Early morning reflections

2019-11-26 @Blog

I got up at 4:20 today; 5:20 the day prior; about 4:30 the day before that, and around 5AM prior. You get the idea. But I don’t even desire to wake up before 5am. Or do I?

Over the last 8 months, 5-5:30AM risings had become the norm, although I’ve rarely challenged the 5AM mark; not nearly as often as during the last month. It doesn’t help that daylight savings time has become outvoted this year in Brazil. To the contrary, the phenomenon would shift an hour forward.

Is this a problem? For the most part, no. I get to observe the sunrise from the jaw-dropping view in my apartment shortly before 5AM. I’m far more eager and consistent with meditation at the early hour. Food doesn’t even enter the realm of concern, not with the daily 18-hr (or more) intermittent fast. In fact, historically, this was my only consideration over waking up too early, that fear (and fragility) of waiting for the forsaken breakfast (which would feel just plain odd before 6AM). That’s all long been eradicated.

So what is the problem? Only that I’ve been finding incredibly challenging to stay awake until even 21:30. Some days, I’ve been battling exhaustion as early as 20:00. And is this really a concern? No, not really. It limits certain social opportunities, but they are not the ones I sincerely wish to pursue. There are plenty of conductive opportunities that take place earlier.

Most ingrained, long-lasting habits are a product of our deeper consciousness. They reflect that that we really desire to do. Forced discipline works short-term, but I don’t believe it to be sustainable unless you wire the habit into your residual personality.

And do I desire to be up at 4:30AM? What does my deeper consciousness indicate? … Yes, I do … provided (and only if) I feel purpose and have an activity to look forward to. In other words, fuck, yes.

Were the sense of immediate direction not the case, I can probably expect a gradual shift to 6-6:30AM. Any later, and it doesn’t even feel myself.

Here in the favela I reside in, that 4-5AM time frame might just be the unique period of relative silence. Prior to that, some audible debauchery reigns not too distant. Approaching 5AM, roosters begin to chant and commercial activity opens the curtains shortly after.

For as long as I recall, I’ve considered super heroes that contingent of night time risers. I used to not even recognize the period as morning. It unmistakeably constituted that time-frame when a normal person should be dead asleep, and only a Jedi master possessed the fortitude to rise.

Now I’ve become that Jedi master. Except I don’t feel like one. It feels perfectly natural to rise at this hour. Nothing too challenging. When I hear of a 7AM wake-up (or anything after, which blurs into that time-frame I consider something ‘late’), the immediate thought that comes to mind is wow.

Any person can mold into something entirely different; assimilate a new set of habits and make that an integral, irreplaceable part of the underlying self.

What defines us? That which we do; not that thing we used to do, not what we anticipate in some future, not our thoughts, not our dark fears.

Questions, comments? Connect.