Some ill obsessions

2021-10-01 @Blog

I think it’s in my nature to be pedantic in certain regards, contrary to my better judgement. I can’t even fathom the kilowatts of energy I drain in course .. or how many priority items get neglected.

I’ve grown fairly obsessed with chronicling too much of the inconsequential: what I’ve read, dates of initiation and completion, surrounding circumstances, where I’ve eaten, what I’ve ordered, conversations held, locales visited. This acting my own surveillance authority might sound beneficial on paper, and it is, if not for the impulsiveness the behavior ultimately engenders.

Though it’s a lie, I often face uncertainty which avenue is the more wasteful: to neglect the bookkeeping and let the information precipitate (which intuition and years of empirical evidence strongly discourages), or proceed tal cual, per course. I wonder if there is a plausible compromise?

When eating at home, I struggle to begin a meal unless the cooking equipment be washed prior .. not after. I’m trying to relax the habit, though the thought of letting the apparata linger in the sink still unsettles me. And I suspect it relates to my credence of labor first, fruit after … effort -> reward.

That’s precisely the chain of causality I prefer, even if it counteracts the natural flow of entropy. (Consider me a fanatic of Christopher Nolan’s Tenet). That’s one rationale, even if it lacks the remotest sense.

The other rationale: I don’t like to be in debt. More precisely, I abhor the mere idea … even interest-free debt. (I can never find proper employ for the word ‘usury’, to appease my other pedantic obsession: lexicon). And leaving dishes in the sink until after the meal, smells suspiciously of debt: debt in a hopeless state of putrefaction.

King Arthur (if the fictionalized Sir Gawain narrative bear any weight) was said to refrain from commencing a meal until a sensational occurrence took course: a jousting match, a wondrous tale, an equinox, a looming extraterrestrial body, a beheading, etc. That actually sounds admirable and not terribly distant from the exertion -> output system I strive to maintain, in a skewed sort of way.

I make that last remark, as upon further examination, it seems Arthur postpones a meal in view (or rather, in demand) of extravagant entertainment … similarly to Richard III’s refusal to dine until the head of … that someone or other … inevitably some ally only an hour prior, no matter … as I was saying, his refusal to dine until the said head was brought over on a platter.

Personally, I don’t derive that much pleasure in dishwashing to call it extravagant entertainment. But I can’t bear the sight of dirty dishes.

Amazing. Amazing, how much behavior analytics I’ve exercised over a handful of trifles. With that in mind, let’s append ‘applied behavior analysis’ to the list.

Questions, comments? Connect.